So, I am just going to lay it all out.
I have always been the type of person to take what I have for granted. It may seem petty to some, but being at such a high weight has really taken a toll on me. While I have bouts of being pretty thin (like I hit 107lbs last September/October. I'm also 5'5 for reference)... they were always admittedly obtained in a BAD WAY. Although last year wasn't intentional... it sort of happened because of anxiety. Some people knew back in the day I really struggled with my self-image. And I still do, but am getting better by handling it. However, I had never weighed more than 117lbs in my life until this year (I usually always hovered around ~113 normally).
And some people will probably think "wtf? That's skinny."
But you know what? It wasn't for me. I had this sick goal of always yearning to be 98 lbs or less, and at one point in my life, I was VERRRRYYYY thin, 95lbs thin (but that was a long time ago). I had a lot of pressure growing up to be thin and to be pale. I know a lot of Asian girls do... actually girls in general do. However, I also didn't feel thin for a long time because I was so skinny fat. Even if the scale said I was X weight... I always looked 10lbs more because I was so unfit.
Anyways, fast forward to the present. As some of you know recently... I hit the highest weight in my life ever recently. I was 124lbs. 123.8lbs to be exact but I rounded up. I literally only have 2 pairs of pants that fit me comfortably.
Other people have also been commenting on my weight.
Watching what I eat.
Commenting on what I eat.
It's fucking hell.
I hate my body right now. Before, it was more "meh" I'll get around to working out... but now I can't lose weight easily like I used to. So I've been working on it... so far I weigh in at 121.6lbs... (I actually weighed in at 120.6lbs this morning but I am sure it's only water weight.)
I'm not going to be this type of person anymore.
I am going to be me...
I've started trying to get into the habit of keeping up with working out daily by doing "don't break the chain."
It was suggested to me by my lovely waifu, Amy~
GOALS I WILL ACHIEVE BEFORE 2013 STARTS:
- Love myself!
- Get the body I want... the healthy way.
- Love and respect my body!
- Learn to be more confident and secure
- Fit into most of my jeans and get my fat jeans back.
- Become happier and enjoy everyday more.
- Complain less.
- Accept myself for all my flaws and good points.
- Do well in school.
- Get into UCI or UCSD.
- See my family at least once a month. (Grandparents too).
- Keep in touch with the friends I love.
- Not make plans with people I don't want to really see.
- Be and STAY positive.
- Ge grateful like my last name implies. (謝)
- ...think 謝する not 謝る please... www
- Be confident that I'm making the person/people I love happy.
- Save $2,000 before the end of the year.
- Have $6,000 saved by the time I go to Japan.
Now that I have announced it to everyone... I'm going to do it. I'm not going to say...
I'm going to do.
(I got this from Post Secret).
Also my fitspiration~
She's so cool! She's pretty much everything I want to be.
Strong, but still perfect in the sense that she is also human and genuine.
I'm not strong like her... YET!
Thanks for reading! I'll get back to blogging and hopefully will get some reviews and other stuff up soon! (: